a decision

...has been made

This will be the last post.
It has been a great pleasure sharing with you all.
Susandia has been my unconditional companion and has relatively kept me sane, if not made me crazier at times, but all is interchangeable in these terms.



I miss her already...

Nowhere Feather

Dreaming that I awake on my parents bed.
I lay, my eye catches the ceiling vent; a feather falls throught it. It floats down, beautifully with a sway and i watch it with a smile. my finger catches it, feeling its delicacy, its peculiar engineering.
A slight pause...enjoying..examining..
I look up for more Nowhere Feathers. Two more fall. I welcome them, leaning up to catch them. Like a snow I'd never felt, they kiss my face. my soft smile to a happy giggle.
Faster... the flurry of Nowhere Feathers pushing themselves out of the vent. Swimming in the bed of softness, in puddle of "leaves" my body stretching capturing them all. My joyous laughter as my palms grip at them.
a flicker of reality pricks at my fingertip when i dont feel the bed under me.
...
Searching, digging, nothing. Just feathers. The panic of the realization.. A sudden short breath as i watch them stuff past the vent. My small body suddenly seeming what it truely is, small, fragile and without escape. With suffocating resistance i stand, waste deep, climbing the very mountain. My fingers tipping the vents latch.. reaching, stretching as the Nowhere Feathers stick at my lips.
Where are they all coming from.. stop.
my mind pleads!

i wake up in a panic as my sister comes to my rescue.

beautiful life vs stubborn soul

as he let me into his home, as the notes and the keys played behind me.
as my feet float across his wooden floors i hear his words "i would keep nothing from you".
Like a dream i move, a slight fantasy, ending with the leaves so pleasant.

i should have told him what it all meant,
but then it wouldn't be mine.
it wouldn't be me.

inspired

if it doesnt take designing a chicken coop to inspire me, im not sure what will.
A client, an animal friendly client, has asked us to design a chicken coop. Having raised chicekens as a kid, as a family, I can recall the annoyances that can be associated with chicken shit and catching one for the butcher block :).
SO attacking this "project" with a practical sense is exciting.
not to mention the fact that this guy lives in the city! and i think i can really get some other friends to invest in their own free range hen-house. :)

Furthermore, its kind of given me a mission statement (that ive been struggling with) for MIRA. Not the coop neccessarily, but the begining of a vision.

the lease

We've lived our lives...lived our marraige by the terms of a leases and Education.
Lease 1, One Year: GOAL - party till we drop. no posessions, no bills. Work, do drugs and party.
Lease 2, One Year: GOAL - buy furniture, go back to school and quit drugs.
Lease 3, Five Years: GOAL - Remodel House we bought, finish bachelor of architecture,
Lease 4, Two Years: GOAL - Receive a Masters Degree
Lease 5, One Year: GOAL - Gain field and work experience, enjoy the city.
Lease 6, Non-Existant: And this is where the problem occurs. Without a commitment to stay, we have the option to leave. I dont do well with that.

I need a deadline, a goal, a decision.

PetNames

Besides the first dog I can remember, I was the one given the task of naming our pets.
CHINA- a fluffy white puppy given to us by my Aunt Anita was "put out of her misery by shot gun" after exuberantly following my brother as he cleaned the garage. A child's car seat hooked to wall fell on her head. It was not pleasant.
IVY- Albino Ferret that made it through our house burning down, finding him in the old chicken coop in the back. Later he escaped from our new house and was mistaken for a rat in the neighborhood and beaten with a baseball bat. OH! but he survived, without a tail so his balance was always slightly off thereafter.
STOLI- First Pit Bull we owned. He was great but was stolen one night. I think my dad's shot gun to scare the thieves off kind of assisted in the dog running towards them more.
CLEO- My first pet tree frog. I even enjoyed gathering crickets from the back alleys of large buildings for her. Me accidentally killing her under a pile of shoes was a bit more hurtful I'd like to admit a frog would cause.
SKILLET- The last dog. Cause my brother used to say home-skillet alot. and i got uncreative and uninterested at the age of 19.

Now we own a cat named Brain which I think Todd did for us. So I think i have relinquished that responsibility. :)

OH! but not a petname.. but i am proud to have chosen my nephews name most recently.
Drum Roll Please... Lucas Alexander Cortez. Well I cant take credit for the last name. If i say so myself, that's a regal name indeed.

-Susandia was named after her father's ex-girlfriend.

perfect

the smell of burning hair is always so distinct.

that's all i have to say about that.

sunny satisfaction

"there you are..." said the LostBoy to Peter Pan.

I could have smiled straight at the sun today with the same welcome...
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

rewind [dreamy feelings]

Im not who i used to be, i told him
without apology and without remorse
as he looked at me with begging eyes
for my reversal, for my rewind

a decade of time we celebrate
almost in a daze of liquid love
in a state of blurry situations
with our stroking hair familiar

each pass a line in my geography
cupped by hands and wrapped by legs
a breathless gasp deleting fog
as i return to true consciousness

waves

they come in slow and with beauty
then with the taste of lemon rinds.
smacking my tongue,
a dry sock filled with wet sand
heavy
uncomfortable
and well deserved

resolution

i'll write them, so hopefully ill keep them :)

1. go down to working a true 8 hour work-day (including lunch)
2. save up for a trip to Electic Picnic. inspired by miss hannigan :)


id make a resolution to lose weight and get fit and all that..but this year, ill just consider that DONE by action.

holiday's last days

as the holiday season officaly comes to an end and i never wrote a proper end of year/new year entry, i'll simply recall the most recent brilliant memory i will hold dear for years to come.
My dear nichole took her first dance with her new husband.
"it is lovely...Love" her mother said, as we both stood watching. she embraced me in a way that her daughter had so many times. Such truth, love and care it held.
her contagious warmth reached my soul as i remembered what inner-peace felt like.

crystal-clear inner-peace... cheers to that for 2010.