loss for words

so i will post music for now.

storm's haze

its hard to see passed it right now

there must be clear skies somewhere

out there in the midst of evergreens

at that lake spent in September

how distant and behind

you did this to us.

this us no more

this no more blue skies

made bed

her beak grabbed the corner

then the other

wings fluttered.. humming 

before the sunrise, after the moon set

there was calm in the creases

deliberate peace 

some simple truths

"do people just leave the people they love, to find a new person", my dad asked.
He and I are both dealing with a loss of a partner. my mom didn't leave him by choice. my husband did.

I would have never left my husband. I can say this with such conviction and simple truth. I would have gone to therapy with him (as i go now for myself). i would have gone to strange sex retreats even. anything, because i knew that we were perfect for eachother. As perfect as one could expect from a world filled with so much.

i feel naive writing all of this. It is naive. I was in love. What more childlike dreams and hopes do you expect from a girl in love.

friends

sick ones particularly
they are too young to be dealing with some hardships
how are they chosen
whats this awful lottery they entered
"they", as if im not a spinning ball with them

sickness.. cancer.. i hate it.