gifts that keep giving

its been two months since my husband decided we weren't working (not to say he hadn't decided this months before) On the flip-side, I thought we were simply in a funk. I really did. That all, in time, could be resolved. That powerful (possibly blind or naive) faith I had in Us has seemed to be the greater of the burdens through our breakup.

Since then, getting up in the morning had been difficult enough; so trying to wholeheartedly and positively focuson myself was not coming easy. i faked being "fine" for a while.

Then, just at the right time, a wonderful gent gave me a gift. he gave me yoga. 

i have gone to three classes this week, two of which i cried in. Apparently this can be happen during shavasana. I didn't cry last night, instead, an obvious realization came to me.

Refocus

so, with a cautious heart and a much more honest and clear mind these days, my self-focus may finally begin.

meh

what did i expect?

sugar coated shit at least

pink haired friends

she woke me up with a gift.
a gift that makes all things beautiful
we cruised and sat and ate and shopped and cried and talked and hugged and kissed.
i asked her "did you do this for me on mothers day"
she said "yes"

cheers the true friends that look out for us when we have lost the people who used to.

its 4am

ouch.. i have lost myself again...

Happy Mother's Day

Jan 16, 1946 - Nov. 27, 2012

It's Mother's Day in Mexico today.  I would have sent my mom flowers a few days ago for today's arrival. She loved getting flowers. She didn't have a favorite. She loved them all.

I think her passing is just now catching up to me. i've never felt so alone.

home speaks to me

J: its a story of love and saving the world
S: you enjoy the idea of saving the world
J: yes. i love the idea. it reflects well
S: don't you think it's a naive notion
J: absolutely not, do you?
S: Yes
J:  you are jaded Susana. what's happened
S: I'm sad
J: then I should save your world. come home.

dreams .. those fuckers

she stood on the side of the road
broken down vehicle
24 years old. long stringy blonde dipped hair
she had scissors in her hand
i could see her a mile away

my cabby pulled over
his name was kevin
"you need some help?"
her smile full of intent
he didn't notice, i did

PAINTS

they are out.

jason rogers

he fell apart
quickly.. suddenly.. with a broken heart.

i never understood how he could throw it all away
but he did
she destroyed him

his faith
his hope
his love
was gone and i didnt know him anymore.

i hate that i understand him now.

cafe sunset

let's concoct a plan he said
his Australian tongue so convincing
a plan?
yes a plan...
to take the sunshine.. steal it.. sell it
I'm not sure we can do that
Sure we can
Of course we can i said.
of course we can


i can do anything