straight talk

some would say to me that karma has come to bite me in the ass. So, let me count my more profound immoral or even too-logical mistakes:

1. I had abortions with my ex husband because we "weren't ready". We were as ready as we could have been.

2. I cheated on my husband. I wish I hadn't.

3. I allowed sex and/or orgasms define my intimacy. I lost my way a little in this department.

He has his list of mistakes as well and they are equally measured. But these are not the reasons we split. The reason we split is much simpler and humane. We stopped communicating. That is all. I love him and he loves me, but things happened and now we get to move on. And I am OK with that. 

in fact, karma did bite me in the ass. with a new found self value that did not exist while married. although i will need sperm some day, i will not need a father to help me raise my child. I will need a village. And if anyone knows how to build a good village, it's me. the choice to be a single mother by choice is made. If a man comes along in the meantime then he will benefit, but he will not be my maker. 

thanks karma.

holy mackerel jimmy!

I've been in NY for 7 years. i started this blog that long ago. as an outlet and partly i think my personal therapist. It's amazing what i've learned from reading back on my own writing. i am so thrilled about everything at the moment. i never thought id live here more than 4 years. I assumed id go back to houston within 5.

i like it here. alot.

woah is me no more

no longer a part of a unit.

the feeling finally settling in after five months. Unless you've been through a massive breakup i cant imagine anyone understanding. the facts are this:

1. he left without a fight to stay.

2. he was romantically involved with a girl before the break up

3. he got her pregnant after intentionally not getting me pregnant

4. i am a single attractive 34 year old architect that lives in NYC.

Number four being of the utmost importance.

Sure, I would rather things have been different, but in the grand scheme of things I am finally and truthfully looking to the future. It's an amazing feeling. I have no regrets and no longer feel anger towards him or the situation. I am free and powerful and loved by so many. I am happy. lonely at times, but i understand that i wont be forever. 

I am learning i am a pretty cool person and i deserve amazing things and I will settle for nothing less. I almost want to thank him for it, but  my choices put me here, in this wonderful place. Where he chose to start a new relationship with someone else. I chose to start one with myself. :)

yea.